Down by pond
where fingerlings
of pine reach,
on sub-zero morn,
stillness fills
deep in snowy wood;
snowbird fluffs
his downy feathers
shake off cold.
Thick branches breaking
in quiet mourning,
as snow dust…
tumbles to hard earth.
Distant train
sings a dirge rising
up moon-bound.
A dispute occurred
in woodland;
day’s too cold to fight.
Sun now warms
my cold winter skin.
Nostrils burn
breathe in arctic air.
Gaze steady
on January’s
wonderland;
wearing snow shoes in
winter’s sand!
Linking up at dVerse with Form For All: La Lune
Interesting play with the form
…no doubt of you being a natural fine artist… you brought me to your scene with those succulent visual of the winter sand… and i really like the title… i’m like being tempted to write something out of it… but(forgive me) i don’t it’s a lune…. i find this more as well crafted poem in which still gives an excellent offering… smiles…
love the title and your beautiful imagery. great work
fabulous photo treatment!
love a dirge…..poem is pretty as is the photo
beautiful images and interesting what you did with the form..
Lovely poem – I echo Brian’s comments re form
The powdery crystals of winter do evoke the senses as you show here, and the atmosphere you build is crafted especially beautifully. Your interpretation of the lune, and a lune progression, is more flexible than most would consider; be that as it may, a poem well-wrought.
Superb! I love the flow and beauty of your snow scape and “winter’s sand.”
you paint a stunning image of winter. the sound of the train adds such a unique element to the picturesque quiet of winter.
A winter wonderland.
This is my favorite part:
“A dispute occurred
in woodland;
day’s too cold to fight.”
Just beautiful and love the title.
Nice poem. Like Brian, I think the form is a bit off. You have alternating 3 and 5 syllable lines rather than 3-line stanzas of 5-3-5 syllables (Kelly lune) or 3-5-3 words (Collom lune). However, seeing as Collom’s form is the result of forgetting Kelly’s, I don’t think you should worry too much
As for the metaphor – winter sand is a lovely, evocative description of powder snow.
Thick branches breaking
in quiet mourning,
as snow dust…
tumbles to hard earth.
This is fine writing, very descriptive.
Love the story this told. The dispute in the woodland intrigued me as well.
I journeyed into the woods,
They were cold, dark and deep;
Winter roused me where I stood,
From far away I lost my sleep.
love the train…i grew up with trains that ran by the house each evening and they would lull me to sleep…a mournful dirge but… um, not sure on the form, but it makes for a fine poem…smiles. love that burn though of winter air when you breathe it in…